What is today? Sunday? Monday? Oh, it’s Monday and it’s a holiday. That must be why I can’t remember what day it is. I’m off schedule. Ha! What schedule? You mean the one where you get out of bed every morning, shower, brush your teeth and get dressed…eventually.
Each morning when I wake up I ask myself, What day is it? What do I have to do? And when I ask myself what do I have to do I mean what must I do and what do I get to do. It’s so weird not having somebody around to make sure you do your must do-s or be with you in your get to do-s. I don’t like it.
My morning ritual now is to put the coffee on and while I wait for it to finish brewing, I fuss about the place. I open the blinds, turn off the porch light, cleanup any stray dishes, get a cup and the half and half ready. I watch the coffee pot. Sometimes I can’t wait for it to finish so I dislodge the pot, fill my cup and wipe up the spills.
Used to be that I would wake up with a cup of coffee sitting on the table next to the bed.
With my coffee I settle into my rocking chair. I take a sip and grab one of several books I’m reading. The words I read are my first conversations. I read, I pause, I sip, I pray, I think, I start to plan my day.
Used to be I heard a cheerful voice say, “Good morning, my darling,” followed by sounds from the kitchen indicating breakfast was coming.
Used to be my brain got started in the morning by someone else’s questions. Questions like, “I’m going to the store today. Do you need anything?” or “When do you think you’ll be home? Do you want to go out for dinner?”
After two cups of coffee and maybe something to eat I decide what household duties are worthy of my time. Usually it’s only making the bed. I shower, brush my teeth, and get dressed. Then it’s out the door to run an errand or two, or go to work for a few hours. Sometimes there is nowhere needed to go.
Used to be I felt busy.
Driving home from wherever – the store, work, church, I make a mental list of all the things I’ll do for the rest of the day. Things like dust, vacuum, laundry, write a blog, watch a movie or take a walk. Most days I just invite myself over to one of my friends’ houses.
Used to be on the drive home from work I’d call home. I’d be told, “Hey, I’ve been on the phone all day and you’ll be here in 15 minutes. Can’t you wait till you get home to talk?” And I would say, “No. What are we doing tonight? Are you cooking? Are we going out? How was your day?”
I moved my television to the bedroom last month. When I’m getting ready in the morning I can listen to voices in the background. Sometimes I talk back to them. Sometimes at night I let those voices lull me to sleep.
Used to be we never had a TV in our bedroom. That wasn’t what the bedroom was for.
Sometimes I don’t eat dinner until 9:00. Sometimes I stay up late working on a Sudoku puzzle and listening to music. When I take a break and look up at the clock I’ll see that it is past midnight and I think to myself I really should go to bed.
Used to be my days ended about the same time each night. Now, it doesn’t matter much.
Schedules and routines weren’t really something we set up or focused on. They just sort of happened. Just when we’d get settled into one, some big life change would shake things up and we’d have to settle into another new schedule.
I’m working on a new schedule.